I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
