I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
