jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
