Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
