I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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