I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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