So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
