sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
