Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
