just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
