Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
