There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
