did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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