Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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