Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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