i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
