I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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