Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize