I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
