so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Is Oprah even human
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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