i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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