I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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