Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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