I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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