Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I love having hate sex.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
