I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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