Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You made out with two different species that night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
