Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize