I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
