My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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