He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you had me at cake vodka
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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