you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
