just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize