i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
