You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
