So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
