What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
