I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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