You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
