i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
