Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You are the jesus of drinking
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
