my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
