Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
