Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
