I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Randomize
