I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
