I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We need to rekindle our bromance
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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