She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
