Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
