im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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