sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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