Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
