yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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