Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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