dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
