At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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