yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize