Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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