Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm too high and old for this...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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