The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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