I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
