M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
