You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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