i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
