You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
